Sunday, January 19, 2014

Weekend Fun & Busyness

We had a busy, fun weekend celebrating Nathanael turning 2. On Thursday, my parents rented a hotel room and invited us all to go swimming and have ice cream. The water was very warm, and we had the whole pool to ourselves, which was so nice. Everyone had a great time, and swimming is definitely the best exercise for pregnancy, in my opinion. Instead of baking a cake this year, I simplified everything and bought a cake (it was only $5...half price). The decorations consisted of a dollar-store toy and a cake topper I printed off (that said Happy 3rd Birthday...oops. Stress + pregnancy brain = mush for a brain!) On Saturday, my sister offered us her free hockey tickets and her babysitting services so that hubby and I could go out on a little (cheap!) date. The entire date night cost only $11 (supper at A & W with a coupon) who knows how many more opportunities we will have to go somewhere without the kids with this baby`s arrival quickly approaching...and if we end up moving, well.....I don`t even want to think about that :-(.  That was crazy nice of her to do that for us!!! Unfortunately, we all came down with another cold or sinus virus again. We all seem to be starting to get over it except for Nathanael who is having coughing fits. I`m hoping he doesn`t develop bronchitis again. He seems to always cough so much when he gets anything.

We are making progress with baby names, so that is a relief! I was starting to panic a little since we hadn`t even talked about it until this weekend. I think we are *almost* settled on a name now,. Hopefully my sister-in-law won`t steal it on us...she`s due just before I am! I was first to have my baby with number 1 and 2, but it looks like she will beat me with number 3. My other sister-in-law is due just after me, so this baby will have 2 very close-in-age cousins on both sides of the family. I have been having lots of braxton-hicks contractions lately. I never had this many contractions with the other two, so it`s kind of interesting.

Emotionally, I`m doing quite a bit better than I was a month or two ago. I am praising the Lord for that.  For quite awhile, I was really, really struggling with depression. By depression, I don`t just mean having a bad day here or there. I was truly struggling to get out of bed. I was sobbing every.single.day. I didn`t want to talk to anyone. I was exhausted because it seemed every ounce of strength I had was spent just trying to get through each day and fight the lies from Satan. I felt like a completely different person, and it was horrible. I hadn`t been in that kind of place since middle school. While trying to explain this all to my husband and help him understand, I told him I should just tell people to just call me Susan - that`s how unlike myself I felt!  It was strange and awful. The only thing I could do was pray for God to pull me out of the pit I was in. And, in His mercy, He did. One of the worst things through this all was that I became very self-absorbed. Depression does that to a person, I think. I needed to be there for my husband and support him through all this,  but I was so absorbed with just trying to survive each day, that it was very difficult for me to support him in the way that I should.

 I still struggle here and there since life is *hard* right now, not knowing where the Lord will lead us. This feels like a major turning point in our life, so there are plenty of emotions involved with that.  It is not like it was months ago, though. I would not consider myself to be depressed anymore. Occasionally, reality hits me very hard and I can feel panic starting to set in. However, I need to trust the Lord. Not many people understand what`s going on in our life..and even fewer people completely agree with us. That is hard. However, we rest in the fact that the LORD made it abundantly clear. I mean....He basically put it on a billboard for us! In moments of discouragement, we rest in the fact that we obeyed God...even though it seems to have cost us a lot, from most people`s point of view. Doesn`t the Bible tell us that there is a cost involved in following Christ...

I think the words of this song we sung in church this morning sum up our prayer right now. 5 years ago, we never would have thought we`d be at the place we are today. We thought we had our life all figured out and everything was working out exactly as WE thought it should. As Christians, however, we should be willing to continually surrender our ambitions, hopes, and plans into the Lord`s hands.

Don`t get too comfortable in this world. Following Christ is a life-long surrender of our ambitions, hopes, and plans. Hold everything with an open hand.

All for Jesus - Robin Mark

Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free,
For it's only in Your will that I am free,
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

1 comment:

Kara Braun said...

I am so glad to hear that you've been feeling better and more positive. I pray that continues for you! And don't worry about the birthday candle - funny memory for the future!
Blessings as you approach the arrival of your new little one and as you continue through life trusting the Lord.

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