The other day in church I overheard a lady asking my sister-in-law why I won't let Ellie play in the nursery. For some reason, probably a mixture of emotions and exhaustion from major lack of sleep in the past few days, it made me cry! The night before we had had a particularly rough night with Ellie being up a lot in the night. I had gotten about 10 hours of total sleep over the past 2 nights, and Ellie was extremely grumpy and not behaving well at all in church. Trying to keep her in check without going in the toddler room was a lot of work. We try to keep her out of the toddler room because there are often kids in there whom we don't know (as in, don't know if they were sick recently, etc.). Most parents of kids with neutropenia from online support groups try to avoid places like these, too. Very rarely, I will let her in there if I know the kids and the kids Moms well enough that they know about Ellie's condition. I'm sure I look like the meanest Momma in the world when I don't let her go in there. Some people just don't understand. It is very difficult to know just how careful to be. I mean, we want her to have as normal of a life as possible, but we don't want to take any unnecessary risks that might land her in the hospital. Although, she looks so healthy, her last blood test was still not good. So...do we take her to public pools? Do we take her to the zoo? So far, we have decided not to. She's young enough right now that she doesn't really know that she's missing those things. I really, really want to take her to the pool in the summer, and the doctor said we could but it was better to avoid them because obviously there are lots of people in a crowded area. She has been so healthy since Christmas that I start thinking maybe we are too careful, or maybe we are being "just right" careful. Who knows...I guess we just need to pray about it, try to make wise decisions, and trust the Lord with the rest.
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