3 Trips to the Hospital Today...This is Insane

Okay, prayer warriors we need you! Our family is going through such a rough time right now. You probably already know about our daughter's recent health issues. She is having a bone marrow test next week. She also had a blood test this morning, and we haven't had the results back from that yet. (That was trip # 1 to the hospital this morning).

Trip #2 to the hospital was this afternoon for myself and my weird health issues. My issues have been getting progressively worse with each day for the past month. I have several lumps (probably swollen lymph nodes) in my legs, pain around my joints, and new today was a humongous bruise on my leg for which I have no explanation. I have other weird bruises as well and have just been feeling pretty awful for the past month. And, it felt like there was a floater in my knee today too, which I'm pretty sure was courtesy of another strange lump that mysteriously appeared. After a bit of deliberation, I decided that I needed to go the doctor again, which meant a trip to the E.R. After a 3 hour wait (which was understandable since I wasn't exactly an "emergency"), I saw the doctor and basically was told it's probably nothing serious and just ordered some more blood work. (My cbc's from 2 weeks ago were perfectly normal and I don't think they really expected to find anything different today). I was told to go home and come back in an hour and a half to get the results. I went home, discouraged and wondering if I was just making this all up in my head. After an hour and a half, I headed back to the hospital (which brings us to trip #3 for the day) for what I thought was going to be just my blood test results. So, after a much shorter wait, I see another doctor who starts asking me why I left the hospital, why was I sent home, etc. etc. I explain that the doctor just told me I could go home and come back for the blood test results. He then examines me from head to toe and starts asking me several questions (I refer to them as the "cancer" questions). At this point I was getting a little nervous because the doctor was obviously concerned. Then I asked him if they had my blood test results back. He said yes, and that my white bloods cells are very high. Okay. So, now there is a problem and reason for concern. After examining me, he then tells me that he is going to call in the internist to examine me as he is concerned. So, then the doctor of internal medicine examines me from head to toe and spends a great deal of time with me. They are concerned now because my white blood cells are significantly high. They are also concerned because I have all these weird things going on and after examination, my stomach is obviously in pain. So, the end result is now I have a ridiculous amount of blood work being done on Friday along with a chest x-ray and an ultrasound scheduled. There was also mention of a bone marrow test for me if my white blood cells don't straighten out soon. Not many ideas as to what this could be yet. Infection, cancer, virus, some other weird thing (autoimmune). Oh dear. Can we possibly be any more stressed? I fear the answer to that. So yeah, anyway, we are currently going through the worst days of our life so far. My poor husband is stressed beyond belief now that not only his daughter is unhealthy but now his wife, too. I truly believe it is often harder to see loved ones go through health problems than to go through them yourself. I worry about him because he is so stressed. So, please, please pray for us. We never imagined our daughter having to go through all of this, and we never imagined that now I would be going through my own health issues now, too. I think I spent a combined total of 7 1/2 hours at the hospital today. My hands and wrists are now in too much pain to type anymore. I think I'm going to go to bed; hopefully I can sleep. The really crummy thing is that I have to stop breastfeeding our daughter now because of the meds I have to go on. Normally this would be no big deal, but with her low immunity, I kept breastfeeding her in hopes that it would provide her with more protection against infection. Last time I stopped breastfeeding her, she got horribly sick. Please pray especially much for her now, too. Thanks in advance!

Thoughts on Things

Today I am in a bit of a bloggy mood, so I am typing out a few of my "thoughts on things". How's that for lack of specificity? Consider this a journal-like post that I just feel like blogging instead of handwriting in a journal. Mostly because my hands hurt so much today that typing is less painful than handwriting. Yes, I know the previous sentence isn't really a sentence. And, no this will not be proof-read. And yes, this might go off on rabbit-trails, be long-winded and not make a whole lotta sense. Oh well. :-)

First of all, our daughter's bone marrow test is scheduled for November 16. She is getting routine blood work done tomorrow as well. Your continued prayers for her are so very much appreciated. She has so far stayed infection-free since this whole ordeal began, and other than her blood work and the occasional mouth sore, she is doing quite well.

I have been dealing with my own health issues as of late, so I decided to go to the walk-in clinic today just to see another doctor and get checked out again in case I have an infection of some sort. I also have another appointment with my family doctor later next week. Basically, I am experiencing pain in my joints, especially in my hands, wrists, and ankles, and now pretty much all-over. I have also had the occasional bout of weakness, which could be due to low blood pressure or blood sugar. My last routine blood test showed low blood sugar, which is a bit strange because I had eaten breakfast that morning. I am discovering strange lumps every day now, and likely what's going on is an inflammatory response to something. Both doctors I have seen so far are pretty sure the lumps in my legs are swollen lymph nodes (they are painful when pushed on), but the cause of them is unknown. I have had blood tests done to check for an infection, and today I also had blood work done to check for other things such as an auto-immune response and rheumatoid arthritis. Of course, I want to know if it could be cancer and the answer is "probably not" since I have the joint pain and the lumps feel like swollen, painful, lymph nodes.

I know a lot of people probably think this is stress-related, and they might be right. However, the truth is that the last week has not really been all that stressful, and emotionally and spiritually I am doing okay. I'm not depressed; I'm not even really sad. A few weeks ago I was in a lot worse shape emotionally and had bouts of crying nearly every day regarding my fears about my daughter's health, but this past week I've hardly cried at all and have felt so much peace about the whole situation. My personal opinion (of course, I'm not a doctor) is that perhaps the stress triggered something such as an auto-immune response. My mom has a lot of health issues and recently found out that she is gluten-intolerant. From what I know, an inflammatory response can sometimes be related to gluten-intolerance, and often the gluten-intolerance (although always there) will not cause any noticeable symptoms until something (such as stress) triggers the symptoms. I have my suspicions that maybe, just maybe, this is what's going on. Besides my recent joint pain and inflammation, I've always had issues with my skin and have had weird rashes occur and flare-up. I'm scheduled to see an allergy specialist in December.

Today, I am missing normal. I miss the way I used to feel (which was pretty good, physically). I miss being able to go out and about without a second thought. I miss being able to visit family and friends whenever we wanted to. I don't think I'm bitter about it or even really sad about. I just miss it. I guess part of me is a bit nervous that things may not ever be back to normal as we knew it. The other part of me feels ridiculous for feeling this way. I know that we still live a very comfortable life. I know there are so many people out there who have had "normal" changed for them forever in a tragic instant. I know there are people out there whose "normal" right now is having to watch their child slowly die. I know that there are millions and millions of people who do not have food to eat, clean water to drink, or a warm place to sleep. And that is why I feel so silly for feeling this way and for missing our former "normal". Because, really, our new normal is incredibly more comfortable than millions and millions of other people's "normal". Get what I'm trying to say?

A passage I've been considering lately:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.James 1:2-8

Notice how the Bible does not just say to tolerate or "push through" or even just simply endure the trials. It says to count it as JOY! I cannot honestly say that I am at the place where I am counting it all joy, going through these trials. I think it's a difficult thing to not just endure the trials, but rather be joyful in the trials. I pray God will help me get to that place, but I am not there yet. I am in the "enduring" and "trusting" place, but I don't think I'm in the truly "joyful" place.

Here's the other thing I'm struggling with - the question Why? I have wondered if perhaps this is due to sin in our life. I know that sickness and such things can be caused by sinfulness. See James 3:13-16. I have searched my heart, and my husband and I have prayerfully considered this, confessed sins to each other and to God, and repented of the ones that the Lord has brought to mind. I have wondered if perhaps this is not sin-related but is only happening so that God's glory might be manifested. See John 9. I have also wondered if this is happening for no other reason than simply a test. See Job 1:1-12 and the above passage in James 1:2-3. Job's friends tried to convince him that he must be doing something wrong, and yet the Bible is clear that Job was not suffering because of wrong he had done. And yet, strangely enough, I feel like Job even typing this up - questioning when I really have no right to question and "uttering things I do not understand". In the book of Isaiah, God says "My thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways my ways."

I suppose that is a good place to leave off at.

Black Bean Chili Soup

I tried this new recipe last night, and it was so awesome I just had to share it.This recipe meets all my criteria for a winning recipe: easy, healthy, quick to prep/cook, frugal, and tastes great! Plus, my husband and I are big soup fans. I'm always on the lookout for great new soup recipes. I found this one in a little recipe box I found in our storage room when we first moved into our house. The previous owners had left it here....hmm...maybe someone told them about my cookbook hobby? I changed it up just a bit (like usual) and the result was really good. It's kind of like a vegetarian chili soup - perfect for snowy fall days. I served it with buttermilk cornbread. Here's my version of the soup:

Black Bean Soup (Prep time: 10 minutes Cooking Time: 20-25 minutes)

3 Tbsp butter
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1/2 cup celery, chopped
1/2 medium green bell pepper, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1 cup chicken stock (you could probably just use water, too)
1 19 oz can black beans (drained and rinsed) or about 2 1/4 cups cooked black beans
1 28 oz can stewed tomatoes (don't drain)
3/4 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 small can of diced green chilies (optional) I used about 1/2 a can, but adjust to your taste
sour cream and/or green onions (garnish)

Melt butter in a medium saucepan. Add onion, celery, green pepper, and garlic. Saute until tender, about 5 minutes. Add black beans (drained and rinsed), chicken stock, and undrained tomatoes. Add diced green chilies, if desired. Stir in cumin, salt, and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally over medium-low heat for about 15 minutes. Spoon about 1/2 of the soup into a blender container and process until pureed. Return to saucepan. Top each serving with a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkle of chopped green onions, if desired. Serves 3-4.

*Tip: To save a little more money, I usually buy chili-style diced or stewed tomatoes instead of regular stewed tomatoes and then I omit the diced green chilies* Or, if you would rather use diced green chilies and only use half a can, place the rest in a freezable container, label, and freeze for use another time*

Printable Grocery List

Menu Plan Monday (November 8, 2010)

Last week's menu plan kind totally went out the window. For some reason, we ended up eating not-so-healthy things like mac n cheese, frozen pizza, and pancakes instead of my planned meals. With all the craziness that has been going on around here lately, it's bound to happen I guess. Along with our daughter's health issues (her bone marrow test is now scheduled for November 16), I have been feeling pretty crummy myself lately. An infected cut on my hand (now healed, thankfully), strange lumps on my calf (I now have at least 4 of them), joint and all-over general pain, bouts of weakness, etc. etc. have left me feeling not very motivated to cook lately. I have no idea what is up with my health, but I booked another appointment with my doctor in a couple weeks to get those lumps checked out again and discuss my overall health. A few weeks ago there were only 1 or 2 that I could tell and as of yesterday I can count 4 separate ones. Freaking me out? Yeah, just a little. I have been considering completely re-vamping our eating (think - no refined sugars, no white flour, organic fruits and veggies, etc.), but I can't seem to find the energy or time right now to do such things. So, for now, here's the plan for the week.

Sunday, November 7
Chinese take-out courtesy of my in-laws

Monday, November 8
Lunch: Leftover Chinese
Supper: Black Bean Soup (new) & Buttermilk Cornbread

Tuesday, November 9
Leftover soup and cornbread
Prep turkey (cook overnight) and all the fixin's

Wednesday, November 10
Turkey, Dressing, Potatoes, Carrots, Gravy

Thursday, November 11
Leftovers

Friday, November 12
Homemade Pizza, Caesar Salad

Saturday, November 13
Leftover Pizza

*For more great meal ideas, visit Menu Plan Monday hosted by orgjunkie.com*

What We're Eating This Week

No official Menu Plan Monday for this week since it was a crazy Monday for us, having to take our daughter to a pediatric hematologist in another city. I usually plan my menu for the upcoming week every Friday, but I hadn't bothered planning a menu for this week until today because I had expected us to be in the hospital with our daughter all week. Thankfully, though, we are back home for a couple weeks before her bone marrow test in 2 weeks. So, I had the joy (Yes, I truly do consider menu planning a joy!) of planning a menu for the next couple weeks. No links or recipes right now, just because a lot of the recipes are new, and I simply don't want to take the time to type them all our right now or find the links. I'm sure you understand! :-)

Monday, November 1
We had Mexican Casserole after we got back from the hematologist (courtesy of some friends of ours who brought a few freezeable meals over for us to help us through this crazy time - Thanks guys!)

Tuesday, November 2
Cantonese Sweet and Sour Pork (courtesy of those same friends - Thanks, again!)

Wednesday, November 3
Tortellini tossed in Parmesan Cream Sauce (new)

Thursday, November 4
I think hubby and I might be going out for a lunch date (Yay!)

Friday, November 5
One-Dish Chicken & Rice Bake (new), Green Beans

Saturday, November 6
Leftovers

Sunday, November 7
Black Bean Soup (new), Buttermilk Cornbread

Baking/Other:
Caramel Popcorn
Homemade Hot Cocoa

Gratituesday: The Love of the Brethren

Today, we have much to be thankful for. I really believe that even in the midst of trials, a person can always think of things for which to give thanks. Our trials have been many in regards to our daughter's recent health issues, but I continue to be amazed at amount of encouragement and help we have been offered during this time. Today, I am especially thankful for the "love of the brethren", which the Bible speaks of.

In our Bible Study, we just finished studying the book of Galatians, which says that by love, we should serve one other and we should bear one another's burdens. I believe that the acts of kindness, words of encouragement, prayers, and help offered and given to us are practical ways in which our dear sisters and brothers in Christ have "borne our burdens" with us during this difficult time. John 13:35 tells us that "By this all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

Christians all over, from our next door neighbours to our local church family to friends and family living in another country, have demonstrated that even though we may attend different churches in different locations, there really is only one body of Christ.

What else can we really say, but thank you!! Know that your acts of kindness and words of encouragement have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Appointment with Pediatric Hematologist

After a whirlwind trip, we are back home tonight after seeing the pediatric hematologist. I'm not exactly sure what to write for this update because we don't really have any more answers than we did before. Basically, we met with the pediatric hematologist today who examined her, took a medical history, looked over her lab results from the past month or so, and then discussed with us having the bone marrow test done. After reviewing her lab work and examining her, it was determined that a bone marrow test isn't urgent (as in, needing to be done this week), but the hematologist feels it still needs to be done fairly soon, and we agree. So, it looks like she will have the bone marrow test done in the next couple weeks. The pediatric hematologist also ordered some more blood work, which she got done today, and we should have the results from those tomorrow.

Clinically, Little Bittles is stable. She has had a few very painful mouth sores again, although this morning they looked quite a bit better than yesterday. The thing that is freaking us out a little bit is these two weird bruises on her spine that appeared this week. The doctor had a look at them and said he honestly is not exactly sure what they are. They sort of look like bruises but sort of not. I guess we'll just keep an eye on them for now. I had a look at them again tonight and they look different than they did when the doctor looked at them earlier today.

Although waiting for a diagnosis and more tests is difficult, we are very happy to be spending the night at home rather than in the hospital. Cancer such as leukemia or neuroblastoma haven't been completely ruled out, but at this point it looks like it is more likely that she has something benign like chronic neutropenia. Really, the only thing that can tell this for sure is a bone marrow test, so that's why she's going to have one done in the next couple weeks.

How can you pray? First of all, praise God for a safe trip to see the specialist. Pray for wisdom for the doctors. Pray for her complete healing (pray that her blood work will improve so much that there will be no need for a bone marrow test!). Pray for protection from infections. Pray for continued strength for us; seeing doctors, booking tests, and waiting for answers and a diagnosis is physically and emotionally exhausting at times. You can also pray for me as a little scrape on my hand has become infected. I saw the doctor about it and am on a topical antibiotic for now; unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be improving much, but I really don't want to go on an oral antibiotic if I don't have to since I am still nursing our daughter and she is allergic to some of the antibiotics. I don't want to stop nursing her if I don't have to.

Thanks again for your prayers and encouragement during this time.